3 differences between your first and second child

Do you remember finding out you were going to be a dad? I can remember both times pretty clearly. Recently I got to thinking about how each time was so different. 

With Mia, we’d been trying for almost half a year, trying every get-pregnant-quick hack in the book. When the blue line finally made an appearance, it was so faint we thought nothing of it at first.

With Jude, however, it was the complete opposite. Shortly after Mia’s first birthday, we casually stopped trying not to get pregnant. We were happy to take it easy this time. No ovulation diaries, we’d just settle in and take things as they come. 

It came in around two weeks. And no doubt about it this time. Up the duff. 

It got me thinking about the other things that are different the second time around. 

I didn’t shit myself about everything

The realisation that you’re now responsible for a helpless and fragile little prawn can be quite overwhelming the first time around. With Mia, I remember worrying a great deal about the multitude of things that might kill her. 

We sterilised the life out of her bottles and dummies, and of course, we turned her onto her back if she rolled over. Dressing her took ages with the constant fear of breaking her miniscule arms and legs. Sometimes, when she was sleeping, we’d just check that she was still breathing because we were scared she’d just die for no reason. 

Of course, my wild overreaction was easily explained by my newly activated parental instincts going into overdrive. 

By the time Jude arrived, we’d settled down considerably. Mia was still alive after all. Jude’s bottles got a quick spin in the dishwasher if they were lucky. 

We twisted and wrenched his arms into the sleeves of his vest like a ragdoll (babies are surprisingly bendy). 

And after a few futile attempts to correct his favourite sleeping position of face-down-foetal, we gave up. And guess what, there’s nowt wrong with him.

We worried we weren’t giving Number Two enough attention

My beloved wife often got herself into a tiz about Jude because she simply wasn’t able to devote as much time and energy to him as she was Mia. This is nothing new – parents of multiple kids have experienced this for millennia. 

Mia had an entire year of maternity leave where Amy could spend hours a day interacting, playing, cuddling and feeding her, with no other real pressures (me being in my NQT year as a teacher, I would snatch whatever time I could with her). Oh how she was pampered – baby swimming, baby massage, the lot. It was a blissful time of uninterrupted mother and baby bonding. 

However, Jude never received that level of undivided attention, thanks to a very energetic and inquisitive two-year-old Mia. 

There was a bit of worry and guilt about whether Jude wouldn’t develop as quickly as Mia if we couldn’t give him as much of ourselves. But the guilt and worry were unfounded. It’s physically impossible to create the same conditions for both your first and second children after all.

And there’s a growing body of research that suggests children learn as much from their older siblings as they do from their parents. Sure, Jude hasn’t spent as much 1-1 time with us as Mia did, but he’s instead spending that time with Mia, and learning from her. So he isn’t losing out on anything, he’s simply getting his interaction from different sources. 

Couple time becomes even more precious

It might sound odd considering the previous point, but now that Jude’s not a baby any more, we often find ourselves longing for a bit of time away from the kids. Having two of them at different stages is an intense business. 

Right up until their bedtime, we rarely get more than a few minutes to ourselves, and by the time the dust settles after another mad day, we’re often too knackered to do much else. 

With Mia, every day brought a new experience for us as she developed, so we didn’t miss our own time quite so much. And a single baby isn’t particularly intrusive. We could still enjoy some sort of quality time with each other even when Mia was there. When she was happy or asleep, there were no other diddy divas for us to worry about. 

We were still filled with that smushy parental infatuation for Jude’s first few months, when he was changing every day. But after that, we kind of knew what to expect. The excitement didn’t last as long once real-life set in again. Pretty soon, we were climbing the walls, seeking an escape from the madness. 

We’re lucky in that we have our own parents nearby, who can take the kids off our hands. This gives us some precious time together. It’s something we certainly don’t take for granted.

Of course, I’ve only mentioned a fraction of the things that might be different second time around. Check out these amusing cartoons that illustrate some more of the differences between bambinos one and two. 

Did you do things differently when you became a father of two? Let me know.

Oh, and since I’ll be sticking at two, if you’ve got any insights into what’s different third, fourth or even fifth time around, I’d love to hear ‘em too.