How to make a belting brew (a perfect cup of tea, for any non-Brits reading this)

Tea really is a miraculous substance. You’ll be hard-pressed to find a problem that can’t be soothed by a decent brew. Countless heroic men and women have been fortified by a good solid cuppa as they carried out their great deeds. John Lennon was known to be very particular about his tea, and sometimes drank twenty cups a day!.

If, like Lennon, you’ve evolved specialised tea tastebuds, you’ll know the deeply satisfying, calming yet energising feeling of well-made brew trickling sumptuously down your gullet. It’s hard to beat. 

However, you’ll also know how devastating the effects can be when you’re faced with a cup of tea that hasn’t been given due care and attention. It’s particularly intense when someone else has made it for you – if you don’t drink it you risk offending the blundering butcher of the brew.

So without further ado, here’s your in-depth guide to your ultimate cuppa. (By the way, you’ll find no tea strainers here. I’m not posh enough for those.) 

You’ve gotta sort your water

Luckily for me, Leeds has tremendous tap water. Not everywhere is blessed with such heavenly H2O, though. If you live in a hard water area, you should filter your water before putting it into the kettle, otherwise you’ll end up with an unpleasant layer of scum on the surface of your tea. Ew.

You also want to use fresh water every time you boil the kettle. Water that’s been boiled a few times or sat in the kettle for a while will have a stale or metallic taste.

The container counts

Let’s run through a few essential properties for your chalice of choice.

Material

Good solid porcelain for this. This is because it is smooth and non-porous. None of the flavour or goodness of the tea will be absorbed into the wall of the cup. The only way the leafy aromas will escape is upwards, into your welcoming nostrils. If you’re on the go and use a travel mug regularly, try get hold of a porcelain/ceramic one. They’re a bit dearer than plastic and metal ones but so worth it.

Plastic mugs absorb some of the tea and give it a weird flavour, and metal ones give it that metallic tang. If you must use a plastic travel mug/flask, brew the tea in a regular ceramic mug first, then pour it into the flask. 

Styrofoam? Just don’t. 

Size and Style

I go for a larger-than-average mug. The first reason is greed. I like a large portion of tea. The second reason is that I’m remarkably clumsy, and a dainty little teacup wouldn’t last long in my hands. 

There’s something assuring about the weight of a large, steaming mug and the solid thud it makes as I plonk it down on my desk. It gives me confidence.  

However, I don’t think the taste is affected by whether you use a mug or a teacup, so I won’t judge you on your choice here. 

Colour

Interesting one this. Apparently, there’s a lot of primeval psychology involved in our sense of taste. Ancient hunter-gatherer instincts lead us to perceive red and orange things as sweeter. So if for some barbaric reason you sweeten your tea, drinking from a red or orange cup may enhance the experience. 

I consider putting sugar in tea amongst the wickedest of sins, so the colour of the mug doesn’t matter to me, though I actually find that a white mug makes it easier to tell if the tea is the correct colour.

The star of the show – the correct teabag

Being a Yorkshire lad there’s only one contender for the teabag of choice – Yorkshire Tea. (There’s plenty of evidence out there to back this up.)

The standard offering, with the red stripe on the packaging, will satisfy all of your leafy longings. However, for a transcendent trip through the tea gardens of paradise, treat yourself to a Yorkshire Gold every now and then.

If I’m out and about and can’t get hold of the proper stuff, I might stoop to drinking Tetley’s or PG Tips.

Typhoo? Lipton? Red Label? Feeble imitators. And supermarkets’ own brand? Wouldn’t even call it tea.

The method matters

Here is your step-by-step guide to brewing your champion cuppa, with fatal mistakes to avoid.

1. Re-fill the kettle with fresh water. Filter if necessary. Flick the switch.

2. As the kettle boils, put your teabag (Yorkshire, I hope) into your favourite cup or mug. Avoid putting milk in first. Milk can clog up the pores of the teabag, reducing flavour. Also, the sight of a teabag slopping around in cold milk is incredibly unappealing. 

3. Take the kettle off very soon after it boils. (Some science types say you shouldn’t let it boil so as to keep more oxygen in the water, thus enhancing flavour. But this just doesn’t feel right, and to be honest, who can be arsed hovering over the kettle waiting for the point just before it boils?)

4. Pour it into the mug, and then this is the crucial part. LEAVE IT. Do nothing with it for at least three minutes, maybe even five minutes. Go for a wee, make a sandwich, watch a golf tips video on Youtube, but don’t mess with the tea.

The hot water and the tea leaves need time to mingle and entwine and become something beautiful. After three to five minutes, more of the caffeine and antioxidants will have been released, as well as the flavours.

So it will taste great and make you feel even more raring to go. It will also be closer to the optimum drinking temperature of around 60℃.

5. Remove the teabag, give it a little squeeze (but not too much). 

6. Add the milk. Semi-skimmed is best. Skimmed is too watery, whole is too creamy. I’ve never tried tea with dairy alternatives such as oat, almond or soya milk, and can’t imagine that I will any time soon, so feel free to let me know what they taste like. 

7. Enjoy (please don’t forget about it and find it half an hour later – there’s nowt worse). And if you dunk biscuits into your tea, I don’t want to know about it. I’m deeply saddened by the thought of a majestic mug of tea defiled by the sugary biscuit sludge that collects at the bottom.

A couple of points FYI:

• As you know, I can’t abide sugar in tea, so I can’t advise you on the best stage at which to add sugar if you happen to engage in this despicable practice.
• I do occasionally mix things up a bit. If I fancy a brew late in the evening I might have a decaf so as not to disrupt my sleep too much. Naturally, Yorkshire Tea’s is the only one that resembles a proper brew. I can also recommend Twinings’ Dark Mint, Dark Chai and Earl Grey if you want to spice things up a bit (but their English Breakfast is mediocre). 

Tea can be a touchy subject. Disputes over tea etiquette can soon turn ugly. If you think my tea-making tenets are nothing but vile blasphemy, let me know.